Is how barely anybody seems to give a thought (a real, heartfelt, in depth thought) about what they say or do and how it affects others, it’s just pure selfishness. Christmas can be the make or break for some (I’m not going to get onto how ‘we don’t give to receive’ type point) I’m going to preach about how gifts should be constructed to suite the receivers interests or lifestyle. Not some panic bought gift thrown into a bag without a second thought. It’s upsetting for those who spent a good while thinking, planning and buying gifts. WHATS WORSE is Christmas isn’t about gifts. It’s about being with your family, for a full day, being natural, being happy, being appreciative of each other. Everything has become so false, so staged so UNCHRISTMAS like that I’m not even bothered anymore. I made an effort since November for everyone and I can just tell it’s going to be a disappointing day because nothing will be stress free, and everyone will PRETEND they’re happy. I’m fed up of being walked over by people too, spoken to as if I’m something to be taken ownership of. I’m a young woman, not your possession. Surely you must think I’m nice and worthy of friends to even be with me, but why do you degrade me and make me feel otherwise. You stop me from talking to people, you order me about, you use all my fucking things even though they cost me a bomb, they’re mine, my few pride and joys, what I love more than anything and you act as though you have RIGHTS to just take from me. This morning you showed me, classically how we are as a couple. I have tried so hard to make us socially a better item, but we’re still isolated in our bedrooms picking at each other, crying, having sex, arguing. Not even sex anymore. Just, lord help me. When will we come good. I love you so much but why aren’t we an average couple. Are we too different? I don’t know. Anyway, I think I’m done. Thanks for reading who ever endured this. I feel better.
demons all want their pound of flesh.
Aj, If you chose life, you know what the fear is like.
12.23.11
